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Panowie, czy poznaliście już swój cień?
I wonder, sir, how old will you be when you decide you’re ready to meet your inner demons? Okay, now let’s move on to “you”. (I wasn’t born in Poland, so this whole “Ms.” “Sir” thing seems a bit weird to me anyway.)
So yes.
Let me start by saying how proud I am of you for being here! Seriously. Of all the things on the internet you may have been browsing, listening to or reading right now – your curiosity has brought you here – and that’s quite commendable. Way to go. I admire your curiosity, openness, willingness to know something we often don’t talk about: our shadows. All of us are called to their table at some point in our lives. Some of us are being called by them more and more often, with more and more intensity – until we respond. Shadow calls become
louder as the blessings in our lives become curses, as we begin to feel that the path we are treading becomes more and more dangerous and narrow, and the light around us grows darker. Then we know that our shadows demand our attention. We are called to examine our shadows when we start treating those we love unkindly – and even more so if we ignore their pleas as they beg us to soften. Our shadows demand attention when we suffer, when we get sick often, when we feel we are failing in life, when life no longer has any pleasure in itself. When we feel lonely, dangerous and confused. Our shadows win when we feel stuck. When will you decide to answer the call?
The world we know is obsessed with light, lightness and ease. We are bombarded with messages to obsess over optimism and the pursuit of trust; meditate and vacation by the turquoise waters and buy the latest phones and cars. As a culture, we build with a dangerous obsession with well-being – the constant need to feel good. And it leads us down the wrong path. I bet you’re tired, eh? You’re tired of being strong. You’re tired of being brave – or at least leading with the feeling that you are. You’re tired of proving yourself to everyone around you and jumping over yourself just to get another layer of accolades. It’s not a natural way to live. Especially if your demons are still in the game The deeper we become obsessed with well-being, the more disconnected we become from the realities of the darkness within ourselves and the realities of collective human suffering. We think that if we meditate longer or practice yoga more intensively, we will expel the demons – that the darkness will simply disappear. But the truth is that your suppressed sadness, your unspoken fears, your repressed shame, your ignored regrets – they all come back to manipulate you. Subtly. But these shadows are so powerful. Your unprocessed darkness – still appearing. Maybe they seep silently, through small cracks where your intimate relationships have crumbled – or where you ignore self-care and self-love.Sometimes they can come like a tsunami in midlife trauma or as a result of a huge loss. whatever the reason, who awakens the shadows in us – our inner demons – we must learn to be grateful – grateful – that your shadow comes to light. Only then do you have a chance to do something about it – about making a radical change in your life. Privilege! When you seem to have lost everything in life, then you are called to grow.
It makes sense why some people seem to be losing their minds, why others succumb to the tempting pleasures of secret affairs, why some people lose everything – money, home, relationships, themselves. In the darkest times of deepest despair, you are invited to change your path in life and look directly into the eyes of shadows that you have long ignored – or even didn’t know you had; shadows prefer to remain invisible. Instead of pretending the shadows don’t exist by banishing them to dimensions we don’t talk about – we are called upon to slowly, consciously stitch back together with the parts of ourselves that we have banished. It is a process that helps us develop our inner nature and connect more deeply, more authentically with those around us.
As we gradually learn to accept the darkest sides of our own psyche, we begin to build compassion and empathy for others. Instead of repressing our own sadness, anger, jealousy and pride, we realize that healing is only about drawing a map of how deep into our darkness we can go. Each of us consists of two personalities: the nice personality we have with guide in everyday life – qualities that make us likable, lovable, and successful in the modern world – and the darker side unexpressed: rage, anger, jealousy, shame, lying, resentment, lust, greed, suicidal thoughts, and murderous ones that lie beneath the surface we feel we are “allowed” to show. The problem is that denying something doesn’t make it go away. Actually the opposite.
Our shadow grows from our earliest years as they teach us what behavior is acceptable and unacceptable in this world. Girls were taught to be kind and generous – so being unashamedly truthful or progressive becomes impolite , and it becomes selfish for girls to prioritize their own needs . Boys, on the other hand, are taught to win at all costs , to hide tears , to be strong – bulletproof . You were taught that your worth lies in getting girls, hitting targets , and never showing weakness .But has anyone ever told you that it feels unsafe to talk about your “weaknesses” (your love, your emotions, your feelings of hurt or your fears) ?weakness?! Denying something doesn’t make it go away We learn in childhood what we are allowed to be and who we are not – regardless of who we really are (technically, we learn that we are not allowed to be who we are – the beginning of an ongoing lifelong battle with dissonance). Our entire environment lends itself to teaching us what is permissible and what is sinful – our parents, our family, our teachers, our societies, our friends. Girls were rewarded for being kind, decent, and moral – they were punished for being unkind, overly open, or “sinful.” (it is important to consider how the sinful relates to place, space or time – an endless moving target in the pursuit of acceptance and praise). -While boys were taught to chase at all costs, to win,
Shadows are specific to our surroundings. In some families, schools and cultures it is allowed to be angry, sexual, vulnerable or emotional, women are financially independent, men are artistic and gentle, and children are considered powerful, intellectual, strong. In others, no. These are our earliest, subconscious lessons in suppressing our self for the needs of everyone around us. As we “improve” ourselves to match everyone else’s expectations, we suppress what is actually there – and this is the beginning of our ego and our shadow – our two most damaging personality traits. But it’s also important to realize that not all of the darkest sides of our human nature are negative at all… they’re just hushed up, hidden and repressed, beyond the collective consciousness – and being aware of them can become messy and dangerous as it can lead to heightened awareness, rejection of social gender roles, general tolerance and compassion. But… don’t we deserve it? Haven’t we all been through enough already? You deserve to stop suffering. We all deserve it
I dlatego te cienie badamy. Ale badanie jest trudne i nieuchwytne… to jak obserwowanie kraterów po ciemnej stronie Księżyca – nie jest niemożliwe, ale wymaga ogromnej ilości narzędzi, strategii i zaangażowania.
Poszukaj swoich cieni we wszystkich miejscach, które powodują cierpienie… jeśli cierpisz bez wytchnienia, tam jest cień. Szukaj swoich cieni we wszelkich przesadzonych uczuciach – zarówno pozytywnych, jak i negatywnych: obsesyjnej głupiej miłości czy głęboko zakorzenionej krytyce. Twoje cienie czają się w negatywnych opiniach, które inni przekazują ci na temat twojego zachowania i tego, jak się czują z tobą.
Istnieją cienie, które można dostrzec we wszelkich wzorach sabotażu relacji – różne połączenia rozgrywające się w podobny sposób. Wszędzie tam, gdzie zmagasz się z impulsem lub nieumyślnym brakiem kontroli nad zachowaniem – pojawiają się cienie. Wszelkie okoliczności, w których czujesz się zawstydzony. Wszelkie okoliczności, w których odczuwasz przesadną złość lub obsesję na punkcie czyichś błędów, również zasługują na głębsze zanurzenie się w cieniu.
Nasz cień najłatwiej zaobserwować pośrednio, kiedy jest rzucony na kogoś obok, i zwykle jest to mistyczny, magiczny czas przebudzenia w połowie życia, kiedy cień wychodzi z pełną mocą. To czas w naszym życiu, kiedy nasze najgłębsze potrzeby i wartości często dokonują drastycznych zmian i jesteśmy wezwani do zerwania ze starymi nawykami, jednocześnie dbając o wewnętrzny ogród ukrytych talentów, pasji i znaczącego wpływu.
Wpatrywanie się w ciemność własnych cieni wymaga trzech kluczowych składników: spowolnienia szaleńczego tempa życia, powrotu do komunikatów płynących z ciała oraz wygospodarowania świadomego czasu na bycie sam na sam ze swoimi myślami, aby nadać sens, czułość, zrozumienie i zrównoważenie. Kiedy ci ktoś ostatni raz powiedział, że jesteś kochany bezwarunkowo? Że jesteś bezwarunkowo bezpieczny? Kiedy ostatnio słyszałeś, że można być zmęczonym, wyczerpanym wyścigami, że jesteś ważny i masz wartość pomimo wszelkich osiągnięć czy nagród – że twoja wartość tkwi w tym, kim jesteś, w bólu który czujesz, w cieniu, który uciszasz. Że zasługujesz na głęboki wewnętrzny spokój?
Ile będziesz miał lat, kiedy zdecydujesz, że jesteś gotowy na spotkanie ze swoimi wewnętrznymi demonami?
Twoje zmagania mają cel. Czy jesteś gotów wysłuchać ich przesłania?
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